I wanted to be the hero
With a sword my destiny
But I'm stuck with this zero
Rolling ones it's all I see

The dungeon master's laughing
Monsters chase me every turn
My teammates keep on asking
When will you ever learn

Oh I'm sucking at Dungeons and Dragons
Every spell I cast is wrong
All my armor turns to rags and
I’m a bard without a song

Invade the kingdom of ice wolves (what?)
Feeling ready for attack
But of course with these dice rolls
I can't hit those things for crap

We need to be more hasty
But we're barely scraping by
Cause I'm addicted to pastries
Now I can't stop getting high

I'm still sucking at Dungeons and Dragons
Every spell I cast is wrong
All my armor turns to rags and
I’m a bard without a song

There ain't a single useful thing in my bags and
I think I got all my stats wrong
But I guess it doesn't matter
'Cause my character won't live long

Oh I'm sucking at Dungeons and Dragons
Ohhh-woah-oh
Oh I'm sucking at Dungeons and Dragons
Ohhh-woah-oh

Yo, I roll the dice, but it’s always a miss
Can't protect my party, now they're getting pissed
Swing my sword, but I trip on the floor
DM just sighs, “Man, you’re wreckin’ the lore”

I gotta level up, go through the motions
I'm outta magic missiles, now I need a potion
Goblins laugh hard as I fumble and flop
If I roll another one, gonna blow my top